Transitions - Tips for Managing Feelings

Talk to Others

Now that you've identified your feelings, how do you deal with them? Talking them out with others often helps. You could talk with a friend, family member, employment or school counsellor, minister, social worker or psychologist (someone you know and trust). Let them know you don't want or necessarily need advice. All feelings are valid and acceptable. You just need to have someone listen to you. Ask for constructive feedback if you want it.

Support Groups

If you have a support group or job club in your area, don't hesitate to attend. It can provide you with much needed non-judgemental support from others going through the same things. You may also find valuable tips, job leads and an opportunity to network and get new ideas. Enquire at your local employment service offices for dates, times and locations of support groups. Enquire at Network-to-Work to see if you are eligible to use their services.

Write a Letter

If you're uncomfortable expressing your feelings, write them down. Write a letter to your former boss, telling her/him exactly how you're feeling. Write down how you're feeling about starting to look for work and the changes it has brought. Don't worry about the content or structure of the letter, because you aren't going to send it. Writing it down may release some anger you might be experiencing. This will help restore the feeling that you're in control of your life. After you've written the letter, read it aloud and then dispose of it. You could rip it up into small pieces and then burn it. You could wad it up into a ball, bat it around outside and throw it in the trash. Just do something to get rid of it. A recent study found that people who write about their anger get another job faster than those who don't.

Breathe Deep

When you've completed writing your letter(s), sit down with both feet on the floor, close your eyes, take a long, deep breath, picture a peaceful, pleasant place, then exhale completely. Repeat until you feel relaxed and calm.

Anger is a natural emotion, but it can be destructive. Therefore, we need to recognize it and take steps to control it. One way to handle anger or negative feelings is by doing something physical. You could go outside and exercise, play basketball, take a vigorous walk, go bowling, play baseball or tennis, workout or clean the house, garage or car. You can decide to walk away from your aggravating situation by doing something else like positive self-talk, counting to 100, diverting your attention or talking to someone.

As you use these positive ways of dealing with your feelings, your anxiety will lessen and your health and mood will improve. You won't be as likely to take things out on your family, friends or pets. However, if you feel you can't contain your anger and may hurt yourself or others, put your children in a safe place and then call your local crisis centre.

Face Your Fears

It's normal for everyone to be afraid of something, but fear can be our biggest enemy. If we allow it to rule our lives, it can keep us from realizing our goals, dreams and true potential. Fear can make false events appear real. Sometimes we create excuses for ourselves so we don't have to face our fears and take a risk. For example, "No one will hire me because I am . . . too old, lack experience, have been on welfare, etc." These things don't have to stop you.

Dealing with Fear

• Recognize everyone is afraid of something.

• Identify your fears. Figure out exactly what you're afraid of (rejection, success, failure or what others might say). Naming your fear can reduce its power.

• Talk with someone you trust. Are you being realistic in your own self-evaluation?

• Recall your strengths and successes. How have you handled other fearful situations?

• Evaluate how likely your fears will become reality. If the worst happens, how terrible will it be?

• Write an action plan to ensure it won't happen. Fear is absence of a plan. Action is the best remedy.

• Take a low-risk action. If you fear interviewing, practice interviewing with a friend or counsellor.

• Use affirmations and self-talk. Visualize a positive, successful outcome.

• Face your fears. Take the risk. You can do it! You're ready! Go for it! Remember, Babe Ruth struck out many more times than he made home runs. Abraham Lincoln had many setbacks before he was elected president.

After you've confronted your fears, you'll be surprised how your confidence will be strengthened.

Counselling

It's necessary to work through emotions. You can get stuck in your emotions and create negative patterns that will hinder your job search and career. If the previous suggestions don't help you handle your anger, depression, fears or anxiety so you're able to do an active job search, it's a good idea to talk with a professional counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. Everyone's stress level and pressures are different. Don't be reluctant to get the help you need. The sooner you take action to get help, the sooner you'll feel better.

Counselling can be very helpful in broadening your perspective, finding new ways of looking at the situation and getting the support and encouragement you need.

Resources

Check with your local HRSDC office or local information referral centre to obtain a listing of local resources that can help you during this time. The list may include free job search support groups and area agencies that can provide help. For example, the United Way operates First Call for Help, a resource available 24-hours a day.

You can't sell yourself to a new

employer if you're still angry

with the last one!

Exercise daily-- walk, run, jog, swim, bike, dance, etc.

Eat healthy-- eat three balanced meals a day.

Reduce junk food, sugar, caffeine and watching television.

Avoid alcohol, drugs and smoking.

Stay positive-- use positive self-talk and affirmations, list your strengths, be with supportive people.

Get plenty of sleep.

Write in a journal or diary your thoughts and feelings, what you learn and your progress.

Take a warm bath-- it calms you and gives you time alone.

Attend job support groups or clubs-- share ideas, tips, stresses and accept and give praise.

Be flexible-- stay open to new ideas, think creatively, take risks.

Take one thing at a time. Plan and prioritize.

Make one change at a time. Many changes add stress.

Reward yourself when you accomplish certain job search activities and goals.

Learn something new.

Accept what you cannot change, change what you can, forgive self and others.

Be thankful-- find things to be thankful for.

Say NO when you need to take care of yourself, set limits with friends and family.

Express feelings-- laugh or cry, admit your true feelings to yourself and someone you trust.

Volunteer-- doing something for others increases your self-esteem, your network and your skills.

Find humour-- watch comedies and comedians, children at play and find time for play.

Manage time-- keep schedules, set goals and time tables, use a calendar.

Meditate on your own spiritual truths or on peaceful thoughts.

Visualize achieving your goals, your future position, your role and situations to come.

In the following exercise, think about how you'd describe yourself without using the roles you fill. For example, a person might say they were sociable, stubborn and thoughtful. Maybe they'd use words such as mystical, confident and playful. Use words that you feel truly describe you.

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

I am ____________________________________________

Part 3: Making Ends Meet